POPDIATRY TALKS SHOES WITH COMEDIAN HAYWOOD TURNIPSEED JR.

P. Adidas is supposed to be coming out with an app/service where users can put a custom photo on a pair of sneakers. Can you think of anything that could go wrong with that?

Haywood: Boobs. You’re going to see people putting boobs on their sneakers. If you can upload any picture you want, unless they have some type of guidelines… but I didn’t see that when I was looking at it.

P. That has to be a tough call for Adidas- choosing whether to say yea or nay- like what if you did that but had pasties on them?

Haywood: Remember when Nike started doing the customized sneakers? It was okay for a minute. You could make it your own color, you could put your birthyear on there- but nobody really took advantage of it. My brother made a pair, I know another kid that made a pair, but nobody really took advantage of it until the last few years when people started getting custom Air Force 1s and what not.

P. Sneaker Con was just in New York City last week. What’s your take on sneakerhead culture in general?

Haywood: I’m torn- I shouldn’t say torn- that comes from the hip-hop generation- it really does. Hip-hop heads- sneakers are part of the culture, part of the gear, part of the outfit that we wear. It’s taken on a life of its own. My cousin has a booth- he sells sneakers- the kiosk at the mall with custom sneakers. He went to Sneaker Con and he was just telling me how ridiculously good it was. There were people from all over- Japan, Europe, and they had limited editions. They’re talking about thousand dollar- ten thousand dollar sneakers. I was like “Are you serious?”, and he’s like “Yes”.

P. They’re investments to some people..

Haywood: Yeah, exactly. Cats like Fat Joe will put them in glass boxes to keep them. They had a pair of Jordans that had 24 karat gold eyelets, and all I could think of was cars- like when people used to get cars customized- when they first started putting on gold hood ornaments. They don’t have those anymore, so sneakers have become the new ornaments for this entire culture. On one level I dig it- it’s great- but please save some money (laughter). It’s like comic book culture, it will ebb and flow. Right now it’s really good, but in four, five years what are you going to do with those gold-plated Jordans?

P. Yeah, it’s like- do you like to read comics, or with sneakers- wear them? A lot of materials in sneakers aren’t meant to last a long time. I’ve heard stories about people unboxing unworn Jordans from the 90s and the glue has come unattached, and they just fell apart. The pressure of your foot actually serves to mush the entire product and keep everything in place.

Haywood: Jordans, that’s kind of what changed the culture- Jordan getting his own sneaker deal. When they started having automotive guys engineer the sneaker based on the foot- it’s like- Jordan used to wear a different sneaker every game because they would break down and wear down. If you’re wearing it on a regular basis it’s gonna break down, but if you don’t, it’s still going to do the same thing. Like you said, it’s not designed to be put up, they’re designed to be worn. That Foamposite thing- that stuff cracks in dry heat. Now we’re talking about it like a cigar. You gotta keep ‘em in a humidifier.

P. I’m sure there’s someone out there with a special climate controlled chamber just for their sneakers

Haywood: I know- an oxygen chamber for their sneaks…

P. A giant freezer or something…

Haywood: I would like to know cuz I have a couple pairs I would like to put in there.

P. Do you have any observations on kid’s shoes today? When I was a kid, the concept of big brands was more low-key. Now kids have on Adidas and Nikes before they can even walk.

Haywood: When I was growing up the brands were Stride Rite, or Kangaroos- with the pouch on the side so you could put your money in there, and you had the Hush Puppies if you wanted to get dressed up…

P. Or Buster Browns.

Haywood: Exactly, and now it’s like- part of the sneaker culture bleeding over. One of my neighbors- she bought her kid some Jordans. I’m like “You know he’s going to grow out of those in two to three months.”. You want something that they can grow into, not something to shape their foot, but to just house their foot. Personally I still go to Stride Rite for my kids. They’ve got on a pair of Stride Rites right now!

P. Out and about in DC, have you noticed any blatant footwear fashion violations lately where you’re like “What the hell…”

Haywood: We were talking Adidas and sneaker culture- I see a lot of kids these days- they’ll rock an Adidas track suit- not just the jacket, but the full track suit and then a pair of Jordans just because they match with the color scheme…. No! That’s a hip-hop faux pas. You don’t do that. You don’t just throw stuff together. Skateboard culture can get away with that. Hip-hop culture can’t get away with that. 

P. Where I went to high school in Brockton Massachusetts, you could get bullied for wearing mismatched brands- like Reebok shoes with Puma socks. It was known as perpetration..

Haywood: Exactly- you’re perpetrating. Now cats just do it like it’s okay. A couple of my buddies who rap- they’re actually hip-hop heads- call people out on twitter for that, and Instagram. The old hip-hop guard is paying attention (laughter). They gotta rep the culture right.

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